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I feel like I’m standing still, and the world is passing me by. I know, it’s an old cliché, but sometimes the old ones are the best and most accurate. I’m working in one job that’s going nowhere and another that I just started but already feels like it’s stalled. It’s hard to judge my desire to continue at either of these, especially since I’ve now tasted the sweet possibility of full time employment. It’s tantalizingly close. Even if they say no, I’ve gotten too close to feel content with a couple of part-time gigs anymore. It’s a horrible thing, honestly. I realized that I’ve been in one place for the last six months, and it’s looking like the ship is going to sink. If I have to, I’ll stay til the bitter end, but I’m afraid that end could be very bitter indeed.

I sit here in the living room of an apartment that has been home for nearly eight months, knowing that I’ve never been able to afford to live here, and that it’s only through the generosity of friends and family (and incredibly fortuitous circumstances) that I’ve been able to scrape by thus far. I love the life of a struggling/aspiring writer.

On the plus side, my relative level of stress right now is inspiring me to write more when I have the opportunities. Just the other day at work, I got to write quite a bit of further characterization for Arsus, Rime, Zach, Landara, Miles, and Rebecca. You see, this is their story. The interactions between these characters and their world is what moves this whole thing along. If it weren’t for them, I’d never have known anything about what they went through on their journey across the desert. Their will be happiness for some, in the end. I can’t guarantee that everyone will be thrilled with the way things go, but that’s because I don’t know the whole thing yet. Oh, sure, Zach and Arsus have dropped a couple of hints. Miles has been pretty quiet, though, since he muttered his name. I think he might be a bit of a pyro, since he just sits there playing with matches. That would be less worrisome were he not an alcoholic. Rebecca and Landara are spending more time together. I hope that they’re a good influence on one another. Rime is standing beside me, trying to say something. I should listen. After all, I’ve got an eight hour shift of work tomorrow. Plenty of time for me to write down anything he might be wanting to tell me.

I’d totally discount the voices in my head if they weren’t telling me about such an awesome adventure.

2 Comments

  1. I know that feeling of stagnation, and I’ve been feeling it myself basically ever since I got back from Japan. My goal was to spend a year there, earn enough to pay back my student loans, and with any luck go right back to school. Here I am, almost four years later, still stuck at home, working a job that I’m good at but by no means fond of, and unsure of whether or how soon I can get the hell out of here. As stressful and frustrated as I know you must be, just do what you can, by all means use your inspiration when it comes to you, and keep looking for those little opportunities that may come knocking. I find them in every chance I get to spend time with friends, discovery of new interests, and of course immersing myself in my favorite art forms. If it weren’t for my books and anime, I would very likely be sitting behind bars somewhere for going postal and killing someone.

    All the little tantalizing hints about your story that are speaking to you just make me that much more eager to read it. Very exciting, and I love your approach to the relationship of the characters and how they communicate themselves to you.

  2. One more day to wait, my love. You can do it. I know you can.


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